aaachtung kompanie: sammlung!
I`m very sorry about your turning home.
I ever saw a picture of meeting you
you somewhere under papaya trees..paradise.
i`m still sure that this will happen.
now i see you as a piece of a puzzle with some more
edges then the hole you
left 14 month ago needs to be filled. its sad, but a
very wonderful
description; your words about your feelings inside.
your revolving thoughts, the flat
stories around like soap operas and the silver string
is pulling you back
south.
this thoughts are holding me alive. I`m in military
service now. for luck,
its only two weeks. beautiful skies are singing
friendly melodies, birds,
fresh green forests and peaceful rivers around me.
nights full of brightest stars
give me a incredible feeling and at this moment i`m
near myself and its a
special enjoy.
around me uniform faces, a group of poors, primitive
orders,
low-level-dicussions. i`m here without gun. i`ts my
little sign against the system. often,
i`m sitting around, cleaning rooms or- if i get lucky-
i catch my sportshoes
and go jogging. we`re living under the floor. its a
catastrophe-rescue
building like there are millions in switzerland. 160
men and 7 showers. no daylight,
no feeling for the time. I`m a soldier, lowest
possible level in this
ladder. i have to do what mister
"i-give-the-ordesr-here" orders. its bad, but its
not to bad. i never cross the line, i`m to proud to
polish someones shoes in
this club here.
today, we went into the forest very early, we`ve been
trained against
chemical and bioligic weapons and learned how to help
other soldiers after
accidents. or shooting others down. now they are
shooting. i took these hours and
escaped a little bit, walked to the lovely village by
the lake nd found this
small restaurant with the violet dressed woman behind
the wooden bar. the sun
burns on my skin and`m a little bit masochistic under
the heat. i like it very
much, it remembers me always the holidays and it feels
being free.
i printed out your e-mail and took it here with me,
read it again. "feel
like sitting on a lotus flower..."beautiful! you know
the story about siddharta
in the lotus flower?
its not that you habe been left behind. you took the
other road. with all
the things you met, all the poeple you took in your
heart, all the colourful
experiences away from canada you lost some little keys
for the stories at home.
its not good, its not bad.
time`s so important. maybe you feel better now, a
little bit different
already. some new stories opened their orrst to you.
canada is embedding you
slowly, it becomes softer and everything looks nice
and more natural and really ok
from day to day.
my birthday is on the 25 of august. i was born in
wattwil, switzerland.
5.50 pm, 1974. its a little village in the mountains.
poeple know whatis right
or wrong and conservative is right. but its not like
in the states, its to
live with. a lot of farmers in the green hills and
mountains around and farmers
childs in the school. not big industries, not big
tourism. nothing big, its a
litle bit a poor region (poor in switzerland?)
growing up is great there. i think its better then in
the cities. you see
cows and natural fields and lot of adventure forests
and ruins of a fortress
and you hear the birds in the morning. and after
midnight, you hear the bells
of the cows far away. i felt the changing of the
seasons and drank fresh water
from the little river.
if i`m gonna have children, i
want to live outside a
city. its important to experience nature, to
experience where we`re coming
from, to experience respect. it must not be
switzerland. i will let it flow.
...what are you doing now? you will stay in
vancouver? which is your
address there?
i feel so good recieve words from you and its very
valuable to feel you in
my heart.
I`m allowed to kiss you?
Gods, Wonders and the Unshaped Thoughts
magic. thank you so much for the postcard. wonderful
to read your words. its
much more personally than these electronic letters.
unbelieveable. right
that day i wrote you a letter, during my trainride to
a friend. back home, your
postcard was laughing in my mailbox.
...dear leslie
i`m sorry. i wanted to write you much earlier. write a
letter, colourful and
a world of its own. where you can dive in and swim in
sparkling words,
holding your breath on bubbling sentences and fly away
through the bright meanings
between the lines.
not my thoughts, time was problem. still, weeks are
passing by like these
cloudy skies in speed-motion-movie-clips. i`m dreaming
about the big steps
aside, where the air is quiet and fresh and healthy.
where i find time for
nothing, everything and myself. mexico`s coming near.
i can save a lot of money,
every week here means more than two in central
america. and i`m dreaming being
unity. it`s a wonderful thing to think about you. it
fullfills my heart and
sometimes my dreams.
its a long time ago, since we met us on the small dock
in san pedro beach.
you, the beautiful woman in a red ( ?) bikini. with a
handful of very nice
poeple around you. i did follow you some steps to the
canadian breakfast and
colibti-wathing.
lot of poeple i met, i lost their names. which is the
quality in a moment to
find yourself connencted with somoene else for life?
winter closes soon the huge door behind. first flowers
watching over grey
grassfields. the sun begins to tell stories about
summer. the hard man is
wearing a short jeans jacket and a tight shirt. the
voluptuous, soft woman as
well. life starts to feel spring.
last week, i met ana from denmark. i saw her a year
ago in mazunte. we spent
an enormous funny and unforgettable week together. ana
denmark, ana
switzerland and naja denmark, anders from sweden, ryan
from u.s. and me. i could
tell bibles.
ana came for a couple of weeks for work here, in the
eastern part of
switzerland as a short dressed bar girl. she did it
because of the money, just to
fly away after it. i think, she`s in utila now. or
havanna. it was great to see
her again. kind of special too. because a part of a
complete different past
visits me in the real present.
we talked for hours and remembered details and told us
stories, little
secrets and talked about the same again. i felt like
having a great gift.
everything happened is not history, is not unreachable
thought. its reality that
waits to be catched, maybe somewhere else. yes, at
least its a decision about how
you want to spend your life. (thank god we can decide)
god? i`m very unsure about this. i want to talk about
it with you. about
spirit, mystery, laws of nature. i do not believe in
god. nevertheless, i do
believe. i believe in a kind of power, an energy that
changes face and roots
and...
thinking..
even in german its very difficult to shape in words.
like last time i wrote you, i`m in train. again, like
last time i visit
andy, my best friend. he`s going quite well, his heart
doesn`t hurt anymore. i
told you, his girlfriend left him.
last week, he spent a "wonderful" night with a girl
from the same
university. "she has a bigbig smile and incredible
true eyes", he told me. they arn`t a
couple together. but they have big plans yet.
they want to go to rome together for some days. rome`s
so fantastic and
unforgettable. rome`s perfect to start a romance.
maybe thats because its called
romance?
i`m happy for him.
how do you feel? clearer about going home? if i close
my eyes i cannot
imaging where and how do you work as a teacher. buenos
dias senhorita whittaker,
como estas? quieres tomer un tè conmigo? is that
right?
its great how do you let yourself drive further and
seems you always decide
right, listening to your heart and your beatiful mind.
if i would accompany
you a bit, i would find a part of myself which i
cannot find here. it would be
right spac to close eyes.
breath.
kiss unity
manuel
Returning Home
Manuel
I have crossed the Ecuator, and the stars are back
to the sky I knew as a child. I am back on Canadian soil.
I had believed when I was away that
this was my home. It is purely where I grew up, I
have family and friends,
people I love, here. But this is no longer my
place. For many years now
I have been bouncing round and round the earth. And I
love this planet so
much, with all my heart and soul. I am not ready to
say 'No' to knowing more.
It feels so natural to slide back into my role -
but, it is a role I do not wish to repise.
It is a role which no longer exists.
Because it is only
this moment which I know is real. And in this
moment... The cool spring
air nips at my heels as I open the door for the dog.
The sun is peeking out
and finally I can see the blue of the Northshore
mountains, still partially
hidden in clouds. Only small freckles of white snow
in spots.
Juanes sings to me.
And I feel tears behind my eyes when I
feel Latin America in my heart, body and soul.
Your emails capture moments which have slipped away.
Tomorrow I am allowing a friend to kidnap me and take
me to Whistler, a local ski resort.
The city, at times, feels to be an oppressing place.
So much concrete, and I feel when I am here, that my 14
months away, were just an elaborate dream.
How can I be back here?
I am comfortable here, it is
home, becuase there is a part of me in almost every
corner of Vancouver.
But it is the comfortableness of it all which feels
strangely discomforting.
People keep telling me that it all takes time, but
it is this concept of time which I do not relate too at all.
What is time?
It slips by so unknowingly, and my life feels like memories of
colours, smells, sounds, and
feelings locked into my nervous system and triggered
to the surface during casual glances towards the left or right.
The feeling of being here is so familiar, but when I
say this people look at me with laughing eyes.
Answering me with such quips such as, "but so
and so has had a baby","so and so broke up with
their boyfriend", "I have a starring role in a
television series", "I am living with my boyfriend",
"but they got married", "I have my dream job."
And, yes, all these major life
events are happening to everyone around me, I feel
like I am sitting on a
lotus flower, being so deep in myself for so long
has broken my attatchment
and identification to my family, friends and
culture. In a sense I have been left behind -
or, my journey, is just a different road.
And I feel no sadness about this.
I see it as such a natural evolution, to be the
one...... who chooses not to go that path.
And this is the direction of my life.
This is how the river flows, and I am just letting go.
It is always good to hear from you. The photo you
have sent me, is extremely interesting, and mesmerizing.
Thank you.
From my heart to yours, a connection through time.
Unity
P.S. When is your birthday?
