Returning Home
Manuel
I have crossed the Ecuator, and the stars are back
to the sky I knew as a child. I am back on Canadian soil.
I had believed when I was away that
this was my home. It is purely where I grew up, I
have family and friends,
people I love, here. But this is no longer my
place. For many years now
I have been bouncing round and round the earth. And I
love this planet so
much, with all my heart and soul. I am not ready to
say 'No' to knowing more.
It feels so natural to slide back into my role -
but, it is a role I do not wish to repise.
It is a role which no longer exists.
Because it is only
this moment which I know is real. And in this
moment... The cool spring
air nips at my heels as I open the door for the dog.
The sun is peeking out
and finally I can see the blue of the Northshore
mountains, still partially
hidden in clouds. Only small freckles of white snow
in spots.
Juanes sings to me.
And I feel tears behind my eyes when I
feel Latin America in my heart, body and soul.
Your emails capture moments which have slipped away.
Tomorrow I am allowing a friend to kidnap me and take
me to Whistler, a local ski resort.
The city, at times, feels to be an oppressing place.
So much concrete, and I feel when I am here, that my 14
months away, were just an elaborate dream.
How can I be back here?
I am comfortable here, it is
home, becuase there is a part of me in almost every
corner of Vancouver.
But it is the comfortableness of it all which feels
strangely discomforting.
People keep telling me that it all takes time, but
it is this concept of time which I do not relate too at all.
What is time?
It slips by so unknowingly, and my life feels like memories of
colours, smells, sounds, and
feelings locked into my nervous system and triggered
to the surface during casual glances towards the left or right.
The feeling of being here is so familiar, but when I
say this people look at me with laughing eyes.
Answering me with such quips such as, "but so
and so has had a baby","so and so broke up with
their boyfriend", "I have a starring role in a
television series", "I am living with my boyfriend",
"but they got married", "I have my dream job."
And, yes, all these major life
events are happening to everyone around me, I feel
like I am sitting on a
lotus flower, being so deep in myself for so long
has broken my attatchment
and identification to my family, friends and
culture. In a sense I have been left behind -
or, my journey, is just a different road.
And I feel no sadness about this.
I see it as such a natural evolution, to be the
one...... who chooses not to go that path.
And this is the direction of my life.
This is how the river flows, and I am just letting go.
It is always good to hear from you. The photo you
have sent me, is extremely interesting, and mesmerizing.
Thank you.
From my heart to yours, a connection through time.
Unity
P.S. When is your birthday?
posted by Lady Leisure @ 2:55 PM
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