Love Notes with Baywatch

2006-06-11T00:57:00.000-07:00

Yes you are right. I was not happy. I was feeling like I was in a life I did
not want and I was blaming others for it. I was not taking responsibility
for the fact that I created it.

Now, I am creating something new. I am creating a life which I want, a life I
dream of. Of course, the long sunny days make it easier to be happy. But, I
have relieved the pressure I was putting myself in.

I miss you. I want to you to be here. I want to walk with you on a beach. I
want to look into your eyes and experience being with you. I want to touch
you and feel you.

But, I am totally fulfilled that you are not here. That it is all a fantasy
and it is this fantasy which creates the feelings of love and fulfillment.

I feel this is the right track. One day when we are old and need hip
replacements we may see each other again. Until then it is all a story of
being whisked away from here and being nutured under a mango tree.

I can live with the idea of this superstition.

I hope you are doing well. Enjoy your last summer in Switzerland. I hope
everything is going really well with your girlfriend.

Hugs and kisses,
Unity

2006-05-17T23:27:00.000-07:00

hola bonita

another day. same work. same office. same mood.
your words don't sound too happy to me. follow your dreams unity, its
necessary. but i also know its absolutely difficult to do it. to step out
the systems. maybe we have to find our happiness in the little things every
day. maybe everlasting happiness is only available in little pieces. one by
one.
i'll try it. try to catch a big piece. i leave switzerland next february to
find out what my dream is like. step into other systems. mexico mi amor.
i cant visit you now. i will send you moments of a day. intimate view as you
were very close to me.

abrazo

manu

Missing Link

2006-05-17T00:53:00.000-07:00

I am also at work.... sneaking moments of sun in the morning, lunch and
evenings before yoga. I feel so lost. So far away from my dreams. I know
that I just have to accept what is here in front of me and choose what is
happening but I resist it all so much.

Do I think of you? Yes. I wonder if you are my missing link.

I am yearning more in my life right now and so much has changed. What I
want is different.

Come visit me.

Unity

2006-05-16T23:31:00.000-07:00

unity

i'm sitting here at work..winter's gone definitely and everythings powerful and green. its raining and its kind of hot, if i move too much or too fast i start to sweat immediately. i need spring, i need the summer with the energy of the sun and the beautiful nights outside. i want to be close to you this moment. i cannot concentrate these days, my mind is always somewhere else and my blood tells me to run, to be a little bit crazy and to break out this harmonic system.
as i was a snake, short before leave its skin.

what about you? what are you doing right now? do you often think about me?

be kissed a lot

manuel

Always in Love

2006-04-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

i'm thinking of you. what are you doing right now? is your business going
well? are you happy? do you feel love? i wish only the best to you.

i'm tired right now...out of energy. every day is like running through, not
far away to loose the control over the things, the edge is running behind
me, following me fast. i need some days to come down, to relax, to feel
myself again, to do sport, to kiss a girl, to think about the things. my job
is well paid and the good thing on times like this is i have absolutely no
time to spend my money. so i'll save a lot for my future. no, i'm not the
type of person who saves thousands of dollars, swiss francs or what ever..i
live my life now and i will enjoy my days. but saving a little bit to mybe
buy me a piece of a beach in mexico..why not.

i never wanted to forget you. i always wanted you closer, but i am also a
dreamer. you cause lots of positive feelings in me...luck, love,
longing..lust..you aliment my thought in a very beautiful way. and don't
know what you exactly are to me, but its good to know you are there,
here..wherever.

its late..i need to go. we have to rebuild a huge exhibition tonight. think
of you

kisses

manuel

Life Happened

2006-03-03T14:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Manu,

I don’t know what happened…. Life. Life happened.

We both grow and change. It seems to be our pattern to reach out every March
to touch and feel again.

Life happened here. I made decisions and now I choose. I choose that I have
responsibilities and possibilities.

I am the game.

The question I ask myself is what kind of player am I in the game of life?
My other question is: what happened that I decided to let you go?
I don’t think I could ever let you go. You touch me too deeply.

I choose you. I choose you as you come… on a different continent, far away,
with a girlfriend, out of touch for months, busy, a stranger and a lover, a
dream, a trip away from reality. I choose all of it. Last year, I felt that
I had to cut you out of my life… that you were unhealthy for me. So I made a
decision to forget you.

Now, I realize that I don’t have to forget you, nor do I have to meet you
again under papaya trees or anywhere else in the world. I choose you as the
mystery being who creates a deep thumping sensation in my groin.

Yes, I am looking for someone to design a retail store for me. Perhaps, it
will be you…. Perhaps not. Yes, your friend, Mika, is wonderful and sent me
many fantastic links…. Thank You. I am looking for jewelry right now. If you
can keep your eyes open for me… for something special and unique. If you can
find a winning line for me to represent... I would love you more. Thank you.

I am happy to hear that you will be moving to Mexico. Congratulations. This
is a beautiful dream now a possibility being placed into existence. It is
amazing to learn of your goals and hard work and motivation to make them happen.

I bought a house in Vancouver. Responsibility. I move in a month.

My business is doing well. I am looking for investors to invest in it. I
want to grow it. I believe very strongly in this business and every day I
meet opposition. Every day I choose what is happening and to approach my
incredible amount of activity and stress with grace and ease. I want to be a
demonstration of a powerful human with the capability to make dreams happen
just as they are dreamed and greater than even that.

I have re-read your past emails.... and I have chosen an onslaught of photos
to send to you... it has been so long. You will see India and two photos from
my new house before I took possession. It is a strange feeling this house is
in these photos. Alone and distant.

What I realized in choosing these photos from hundreds that are available... I
feel that you are one of a few who enjoys my photos.

flooding at lake atitlan, San Marcos

2005-10-11T00:49:00.000-07:00

dearest unity

i'm sorry i didn't write you earlier. i am in mexico again. finally i find
time to come down, to have time, to find myself again. my thoughts are with
you every day. i hope you're doing well, better. oh my god..i don't know
where to start. i would love to spend 24hours with you, asking, telling and
find out what happened with you the last year.

i will connect you with poeple design clothing from zurich. i know some. let
me do it as soon as i'm back "home".
tell me more about this project. it sounds interesting, it also sounds a
little bit difficult. where do you want to sell, to exhibit the things? do
you have your own label? what are you working now?

how sick have you been? does it heal completely? why do you feel so lost?
you're such a wonderful person..beautiful in all the sensen i know. how can
it be you're feeling lost???
honestly..i would love to be by your side. no games, just being myself and
you're being yourself. it must be like this. everyone needs poeple around,
freinds in the darkest and badest times. sure, these times separate some
friends from others. but i'm sure there are still poeple -at least one- next
to you wich will stand by you ever.

please..write me all. i want you to share it with me.

hugs kisses from mexico city. thursday i'll fly to the mayan coast. or the
pacific coast..i don't know yet.

i'll write you more from there.

manuel

flooding at lake atitlan, San Marcos

2005-10-09T00:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Manuel,

Here is some info forwarded to me from a friend. I thought you might find
it
interesting.

I hope you are well and happy. Today is Thanks Giving in Canada - a
holiday
to give Thanks. Do you have it in Switzerland?

I would like to share with you, but, I also feel opening up to you is a
habit
which I need to break. If you want to know more about me or my year.
Please,
just ask. Otherwise, I have grown accostomed to being silent on who I am.
It
is funny growing. I feel like I am walking a tough path right now. My
health
has been struggling this year - I got extremely sick in India, and I still
have not recovered 100%. My emotions have been tested, I have been
tested, I
feel so distant from my family and Van friends. I feel like I am living
something different which is not understood. I feel alone. I have never
felt
like this before and this experience is so intense and electrifying. I am
guarded and distrustful. I had experiences in India which changed my
being so
much. I had to take on personalities to protect myself from ..... I had
to
survive, and that is what happened. I was challenged and I pushed to get
through what was happening.

Now, I am different, and people prefer me to be the light hearted, loving,
laughing, giving, understanding, strong support which I have always been.
But, now I need people to support me.... and where are they?

I am thankful to have known you. I am thankful to have shared with you.
Thank you.

I hope you and your girlfriend are very happy and enjoying your
relationship.
Lots of luck and joy to the both of you.

If you have any information you could pass along to me regarding clothing
designers in Switzerland, I would love to have it. I am looking to import
clothing this year. Something different and unique than what is currently
available in Vancouver and/or Canada. I feel that you could help me out
here. Your help would be very much appreciated.

Love,
Unity

Sourcing for Xmas

2005-07-28T00:48:00.000-07:00

dear unity

thanks for your e-mails...its a long time but its still the same beautiful
and intense for me to read you..i was in south italy until two hours ago,
enjoying the quiet beaches and parts of my family. i am totally tired now,
would love to write you a lot these days.

kisses

manuel

Re: India Essence

2005-02-21T21:31:00.000-08:00

unity

thank you. thank you very much. its like energy floating through me,
watching these pictures. warm coloured, beautiful landscapes, beautiful
faces and a beautiful you.
i'm in a completaly different world. its all white outside, cold and my
skin is clear, colurless and doesn't look very healthy. smoke, white or
grey clouds or fog brings the sky to looking like lost, futureless and
sad.

a sunken city drifting to nowhere. poeple are working hard, do not eat
well
or healty, do not sleep enough and do not live with their heart. i look
into the faces of these indian man and feel the warm happiness. and how
beautiful the elefant looks like. i never saw anything like this
before.
and i'm sure theres much more to discover!! oh unity..i would love to
spend
time there with you. and if its only a minute i would be so happy. i
feel
the need, the longing to escape again, soon.
a friend from mexico was here, lazaro, and we spent two weeks together.
how
he was surprised about switzerland, about how poeple live, how the
buses
arrive exactly on time and how the girls have naturally blond hair. we
went
to the mountains, he tried to stand on a snowboard and it was the first
time he felt snow falling down on his face. he was very excited about
everything, we were laughing a lot and he became a close friend of
mine. he
said i must have been a mexican in a former life. i don't know but i
also
don't know where this intense feeling for this country is coming from.
as soon as possible, i will visit him in mexico city.

what about you? i'm sure you are enjoying deeply your time in india.
what
part do you travel through? how long will you stay there? do you do
meditation? its good to think about you, im with you and send you hugs
from
my heart.

love
manu

Mazunte Baywatch

2004-11-01T00:39:00.000-08:00

unity
all the best to your birthday. i hope you recieved
lots of good wishes and
love from the poeple around you.
kisses from me.
this is my last day here at the beach. i do not think
abaout this too much
because it would make me sad too much. i feel
connected with this place, its
the 5th time i am here and life is so beautiful. the
first days it was
raining, it was raining a lot and the small lagoon
near the shore was
growing. after 36 hours of hard rain the lagoon had
become a lake and
already a couple of houses and restaurants were under
water.
then, short before the lake also took my room, all the
water disappeard, the
lake was gone and my room safe. it was the last rain
since then. the lagoon
broke through the sandwall at the beach, broke through
the beach itself and
washed into the black sea. next morning everything was
different. no rain.
no lake. and it was missing a part of the beach.

some say there was a crocodile in the lagoon. some say
weird things and
sometimes ist pure misunderstanding. my spanish is not
bad meanwhile and i
am often happy how i can express myself in words. but
still..their way to
think and to do things is very different and it never
will be the same. i am
often surprised how they start to do things and how
they end them. i'm
learning every day how things can be seen from other
views. i every day have
to reflect myself, my culture and the ways i am used
to do things. its a big
part of travelling in countries like this. if i am
able to exchange my
thoughts with poeple from here, it makes my travel
more worthful. i will try
to see foreign culture. its more than just beautiful
landscapes.
how beautiful it must be to have the possibility to
travel. like you, just a
moment away is the whole open world. i stand here and
look back, my world
will close too soon its doors and i must step back.
home. home? its a cold
hole there and zurich lays deep sunken on its ground.
all the things you
wrote me, the boring moments, the rhythm of
allday-worklife and the cool
things to wear, to do, to go or to drive. one life ist
not enough to spend
it there. i will breathe and i will feel the days
positively. i so much like
the sun burning on my neck, love the smell of cooking
food on the streets,
need to watch the stars from a lonely hill, far away
from city lights. i
want to write home my family from the big world, tell
my friends from
incredible adventures, try to understand the old man
on his farm. write you
letters from nicaragua.

i was writing the letter to the address you gave me,
your parents address. i
hope it will reach you soon or ever.
hmm...dont let time slip through your fingers.
hugs
hugs
manu

Love

2004-10-24T00:41:00.000-07:00

unity

thank you. its always very intense for me to read from
you. i really hope my
letter will reach you. i sent it from nicaragua, maybe
the poeple in the
post office do not work fast at all.
i'm here in mazunte again and i enjoy my last weeks at
the pacific coast.
how i love it, how i need it. thinking back home hurts
deep and i am scared
to step back.

i will write you more soon. i want to give you a
reminder. i kiss you.

manuel

Love

2004-10-21T00:44:00.000-07:00

Manuel

Life is here. Yet, sometimes I don't feel that I am here or I don't feel that life is here. Sometimes I feel unknown by the people whom are suppose to be closest to me. I don't want to take it personally but it can hurt. When I try to show them who I am, then I am just trying and not who I am. There is nothing present about that at all.

My leap off the safety of my cliff as begun. I do feel afraid sometimes and usually only when I feel nostalgic for my job, my friends, the dog I don't have, and the apartment I am moving out of.

This is life.

Last week I went to visit my sister, her husband and their 2 kids in Ottawa. It was amazing to see them, especially the kids - but I was so bored. Conversations were about how clean and organized the local super huge grocery store was maintained. This is not me. This type of family sitting down in house with a white picket fence and watching tv.

I want to bring excitement, success, happiness, energy, and love into my life. I want to live my life as a dream. Here I sit on my computer at 6:30am as it is still dark outside writing about this dream life. Am I starting it?

I have not received your letter which you wrote about in your last email. I generally use my parents address as a homebase because I move around so much. If you would like to write here it is.

V6M 1K7

Canada

Now I want to hear about your adventures. I need a reminder. I need the motivation to buy a plane ticket and get my visas. It is so strange that I reach out to you. I feel that I can lay myself open to you through my words. I want to open myself now.

Happy Belated 30th Birthday.

I turn 28 in 9 days. Time slips by so beautifully and so quickly.

Butterflies in my body.

Hugs,

Unity

Time to Reach Out

2004-09-05T00:03:00.000-07:00

Hello to the German Boy,

The past couple of days you have popped into my mind, and it has been a long time since I thought of you. I now have some time to write and to separate myself from the vortex of society. It all sucks me in so easily. I love luxury in my life, I love to go out and eat sushi or thai or mexican all in the same city. I love to have someone else steam my soy for me adding it to a fresh shot of espresso. I love shopping and buying clothes, and using a clean shower, and feeling carpet between my toes.

But..... this is not where I belong. This is not where I am complete with myself or in my truth. This is where I allow myself to be in order to believe that this is the reality I wish... when it is not. This is only a pretend world, yet, sometimes.... I think that it is real. Then, at these moments, I feel so lost and disconnected. I feel hidden from who I am. And I hide who I am. I listen to others, and I watch what is happening, and I see no place for me. I say good-bye to friends at airports, and I wonder, how I got stuck in this vortex.

I am feeling triggers in my life which are slapping me to wake-up. There are coincidences and influences which remind that I am not here to stay. It is time to stop convincing myself that I want this life. They are not my voices I hear telling me, they are the voices of my parents, my friend who is a lawyer, my boss, my advertising friend. I go out at night to discover that I am not the one who is lost here, that everyone is lost, I am just the one not pretending that I know my way. Everyone is seeking happiness in their lives. Buddhism says that life is sorrow and happiness that one cannot exist without the other. It is only the judgement and repression of sorrow which can make it so horrible.

You once wrote that it is better to feel sadness than nothing at all. I told a friend you wrote that, and he thought you were being melodramatic. I saw what you wrote as true. We so often hide from our emotions, when if we just embraced them, then they would channel through us faster.

I feel.

I am currently planning my next trip. This time I am wanting to integrate my travelling into my work life. How can I combine the two? I have some ideas. I just need to implement them instead of talking about them.

I am planning on going to India. My goal is to study Yoga intensely for 3 months. Ideally, Iyengar for a month and Ashtanga for 2. We will see what happens. I would also like to study some Hindi - although a Hindu taxi driver told me a couple of weeks ago that it was absolutely impossible for me to learn Hindi. Wow, so strange how unsupportive he was. Ha haha.

Where are you? What are you doing?

This letter sounds sad... yet, I am not feeling sad, not really. What it is that I am feeling is the realization that I am leaving again soon. I am thinking. When I think it can sound sad, or feel sad.... yet, it is more like a slow awakening. It is the death of something, welcoming a new birth. It is more like a struggle within me, the struggle to stay here and create a life, and the struggle to follow my truth else where - away from here and also to create a life.

Here is a photo of me. It was taken in Tofino, a surf town about a 6 hour drive from Vancouver. It is a great place - mythical and mysterious.

I hope you are well. Let me know what you are doing.

Love,

Unity

Gautamala

2004-05-13T00:13:00.000-07:00

unity
your messages reached me now.
i was in belize, on a small place called la isla
cariñosa or caye caulker.
it was a dream, sweet and light and could last
forever.
i loved to live without shoes all the times. wearing
only my swim shorts and
every day, once or twice, a snorkel gear. more than
two weeks i was enjoying
the slow mood, the breathtaking views and the wind in
the nights.
life there is quite expensive, thats also why i had to
leave. i was looking
around for work; doesn't matter what.
there was a guy called maurice. he was sometimes
strange, but most of the
time very friendly and interesting, funny. he owns a
restaurant called wish
willy and i often ate there. he wanted me to help him
build a house and
asked me several times if i want to come fishing with
him. i really liked
doing this. i waited to start.
in the end these were just words and the only thing he
wanted to do with me
real was takeing cocaine in the evening. i do not take
cocaine.

some tiny little things turned, changed somehow and i
felt like leave. how i
said, it was also to expensive for my budget.
now i am in guatemala. beuatiful and i feel well here.
i sleept next to the
jungle in tikal, was awake long time because of the
monkeys and smelled the
nature, the power and the mysterious of life around
me. in the dark i stood
up and went to the pyramids. it was darkdark and i was
thinking about the
jaguar, the robberies and the rape that happened the
last years. yes, i
didn't feel to well these moments. my headlamp was the
only light on my
search for the highest pyramid.
it was a fresh morning, the birds in the crowns of the
trees were chatting
and welcoming the soon sun. the howler monkeys seemed
to be behind me.
finally, i was looking over the trees, over the green
roof and at the sky
were sleeping soft, orangered coloured clouds. i was
breathing fast, me
heart was running and knocking against my chest. i was
caught by the beuaty
of the moment.


soon i will arrive at the lago d'atitlan. i'm looking
forward and a will
miss you once more.
love
manuel

thanks for the bautiful poem about the sitting at the
edge of the world.
i want to see the stars with you too. we will see each
other someday.

Tulum and More South

2004-05-05T00:15:00.000-07:00

Hi Manuel,

I am back in Latin America, and it feels so good. The sun, the Spanish, the food, the music, the peacefulness. We are going to Tulum tomorrow and then heading more south towards Punta Allen, but I do not think we will go all the way. We will be in Playa del Carmen on May 15 and 16th. Between then and now we are just enjoying it all so much.

You are so lucky to be living the life of a traveller. I hope you are having fun where you are.

Pura Vida,

Unity

Mexico Beckons to Canadian Girls

2004-04-17T00:20:00.000-07:00

unity
i am checking every day my emails these days, because
my sister and the
whole family is waiting for her second child. and
today it happened, the
news reached me too. its a boy. he's name's diego. i'm
happy everythings
o.k, everybody goes well.
hmm..mexico in two weeks. i would recommend you to fly
to mexico city. take
a bus to oaxaca. the trip takes 6 hours and you arrive
in a very beatiful
kolonalistic town. not too big, not too small. there
are some interesting,
exotic markets, a lot of indigena culture, and
nightlife too. from there you
can make different daytrips to visit ruins and theres
an amazing place in
the mountains called hierve del agua. oaxaca is my
favorite place in mexiko.
after oaxaca - after another 6 hours by bus - over the
sierra madre del sur,
with incredible views {and neverending curves} you
will reach pochutla. from
there on take a colective {don't pay more than 7
pesos} to mazunte. mazunte
is super laid-back, supernice and superbeautiful. a
place to forget the time
and the reasons why go back home.
go there!
the place won't disappiont you.
there a some other places around like puerto angel
{snorkel} or zipolite
{party}.

this seems a good solution for the time you have. let
me know what you think
about this.
besos
manuel

Ruins, Life, Ventilators

2004-04-11T00:26:00.000-07:00

dear unity. clear
thank you once more for your words. your descripsions
bring me to feel with
you, make me touch the understanding of the moments
inside you.
your open eyes, your open heart give you a very
intense life. the search for
more, your goals and the thirst about consciousness
bring you far away and
close to happiness. its the path you started walk.
there's no way back and you
will have to find your luck deeper then someone else.

i don't know what i'm looking for. maybe nothing.
sometimes its all. it
depends the day, my mood, a situation. these days i'm
in palenque. green, deep
green rainforest grows to the sky. untouchable, sacred
and in an kind mother.
day and night its very very hot, the sweat runs out
everywhere and i sleep in
the night with a loud ceiling fan. did you see the
movie "angel heart"? i
feel not the fear in this movie, i feel the pressure
of the heat. sometimes it
does like fever to my thoughts.
i went to the ruins. i went to the river in the
forest. another different
worl. i can't count all the different world i
travelled through. and its still
mexico.
the time with my parents was great. they enjoyed these
three weeks very
much. my stepfather bought two ranchero hats and
sometimes, he had both of them
on his head. my mother had an accident and we had to
go to the hospital. a big
adventure for all of us. it was nothing too bad, but
from then on she had to
walk with "mulettas". they always commented everything
they saw. i think it
was very impressive for them. i cant remember the last
time i spent such a
long time together with them. they became old. they
still have a lot of my love
i have to give. i was very sad, the moment they left
me, in the same moment
i was happy to go on an other rhythm.

this trip means for me step out of the life i am born
into. step out of the
system back home. i want to reflect all. myself and my
connections to the
programmed life at home. you know, after 2 month back
in zurich, the things
there are normal. you accept it and you find your
pleasure somewhere. sports,
bars, friends, women, cinema, television, internet,
playstation or pure work.
everything everytime. that cannot be all. im here to
find out if its all. i
have this life. i want to spend it concious and with
respect to myself. maybe i
find a situaton wich invites me to live better. its a
search and in the same
moment i do not expect anything. i feel thanks to be
able to search. to have
a choice.
a lot of poeple in switzerland find their choices in
the color of a car.
i see a lot of poeple here, every day. with less then
one choice. that
brings you to think about. i would like to give
something. more than some pesos.
but its difficult. maybe its only a wish. i have not
thought about this
enough.

i'm looking forward to write you a letter. i'm sorry.
it takes demasiado
tiempo. soy esperando unos dias a la playa donde
encuentro bastante tiempo para
verte.

besote
manuel

La Paz

2004-02-01T00:28:00.000-08:00

unity
meanwhile i'm in la paz. and its peaceful like its
name. a large, quiet bay
gives the town a certain mood. not to many tourists
make the situation
comfortable and true. i live in the cheapest hotel in
the heart of the town and the
tacos around the corner are best of town - they say.
after 3500 kilometers
through wild landscapes i enjoy the city, the poeple,
the restaurants and the
loud voices at night.
baja california is a wonderful experience. i like the
desert and its
agressive beauty. sometimes i felt like being on an
other planet. far away from all
i know, far away from everything elles than me. the
roads are very rough, you
only can go slow and to take care is very important.
go slow allows you to
open the eyes for the world around you.
i slept on forgotten beaches, drove through godless
valleys where an
unexpected oasis full of palmtrees and an old mission
whisper about a spiritual
touch. i saw poeple with nothing then their peace. and
every night the naked sky
shows more stars then we can see in the bright europe.

as soon as i sold the car - and its quite difficult -
i want to take the
ferry boat to mazatlan. in the beginning of march my
parents come from
switzerland to visit me. i'm looking forward to see
them and i feel very glad they are
so interested about what i'm doing, where i'm going.
we will start our three
weeks together in mexiko city. my mother is very
scared about flying and my
stepfather has never taken more than two weeks of
vacations before.
i'm sorry to answer late your emails. i was not
connected to this electronic
part of the world for a long time. i'm a little bit
afraid to become a
physical part of your life. you're very intense for me
to read and think about.
its special..like it was in san pedro. no, its much
more.

i promise not to judge words to you again.
love
manuel

Love

2003-09-23T00:45:00.000-07:00

unity..thank you very much for your words. it feels
good to read from you
and my travel still goes on. i wrote you more in a
letter.

hugs
manu

spring

2003-04-03T14:44:00.000-08:00

thank you

its 6pm and i finished work. i wanted to go out, 
jogging or playing soccer
first time with my friends. the 
sun`s shining warm and so friendly on my skin. i have 
to close my eyes and
turn the face to the sun, let 
her kiss my eyes and bring pleasure in my heart. 
but - unfortenately- i can`t.

i have to meet a friend 
of a friend, he`s
interested about my work and he 
wants to spend some money for anything new in his 
apartment. i heard about a
box to let disappear his 
television, made of cherry-wood (not the television, 
the box) i`ll see.

i`m using this moments until i have to go and want to 
thank you for your
words. its always a warm touch 
to read your lines. i feel understood and like looking 
in a big, old,
glowing pirate-treasure-case. ..no, thats 
not a good explication. let me think about it..its 
more about i wrote above:
being kissed by the first spring 
evening sun; the mild wind brings different smells 
from all the trees and
grasses and shy flowers through 
the bright-yellow streets. something happens deep 
inside, an incredible good
feeling flows under the skin. 
everythings good, the world is love and life is 
beatiful.

maybe it sounds very sweet now. hm, its not the 
meaning.

i like it very much to feel the changes of the times. 
last autumn was very
intense. sometimes melancholic, 
sometimes sad. but it felt positive and alive.

now, 
the beginning springtime
ist very bright and happy. 
yesterday, we went to a small river in the soft green 
hills. on every hill
stands a little tree. like a funny 
haircut. we made a fire and had a big towell on the 
grass with
finest food. olives, avocado, corn-bread, apples, 
tofu, carots...my friends
put their clothes off and swam
naked in the ice-cold water of the 
river. some poeple walked by and shaked their heads. 
one guy was sitting
behind a little tree a watched 
the girls with a glass.

i don`t like such cold water. i took a wonderful hour 
of sleeping under the
sun. let take my skin the first tanning..

its wonderful how you write about god. i`m sure he, 
she, it is watching you
well and an
open heart like yours is sure 
guided through life.

i`m very sorry about the friend 
who died. and i`m sorry
about all the pain, yours and 
yours for the friend who needs to be alone. its his 
way to live with it. all
you can do is to be at his side if he needs you. if he 
will listen to the
embrace you will give him. these are moments which let 
you know again how
precious and nonrecouring life in fact is. carpe diem.

im looking for my way to spend this life everyday. and 
if i`m leaving this
road i want to know why. sometimes i`m leaving, yes. 
but only to find it
again. important is to be concious. but what am i 
telling you? you know well about
your ways. and if you find yourself missunderstood or 
in wrong clothes in
vancouver- its only a sign. 

i`m returning in october / november to central 
america. i have to plan this
year a little bit. because i have to buy the ticket 
and they want to know
where i`m gonna flying back. is its san josé or is it 
quito? is it havanna? i
want to go and see how the rivers flows.
sure, i want to spend a lot of days on caye caulker. 
and oaxaca...i`m
dreaming of daily. san pedro i`m missing, both of you.

my mother and my stepfather come and visit my and the 
tierra prometa. and
maybe some friends? i want to celebrate my 30 birthday 
(30!!! oh my god)
somewhere in paradise. you will get the invitation 
then. but its all written in the
stars. and they`re bright these nights.
remember yourself, you also will find ever a place to 
stay wherever i am.
wherever my heart is. 

unity. hugs and kisses. again and again. i feel

aaachtung kompanie: sammlung!

2003-03-17T16:49:00.000-08:00


I`m very sorry about your turning home.
I ever saw a picture of meeting you
you somewhere under papaya trees..paradise. 
i`m still sure that this will happen.

now i see you as a piece of a puzzle with some more
edges then the hole you
left 14 month ago needs to be filled. its sad, but a
very wonderful 
description; your words about your feelings inside.
your revolving thoughts, the flat
stories around like soap operas and the silver string
is pulling you back
south.

this thoughts are holding me alive. I`m in military
service now. for luck,
its only two weeks. beautiful skies are singing
friendly melodies, birds,
fresh green forests and peaceful rivers around me.
nights full of brightest stars
give me a incredible feeling and at this moment i`m
near myself and its a
special enjoy.

around me uniform faces, a group of poors, primitive
orders,
low-level-dicussions. i`m here without gun. i`ts my
little sign against the system. often,
i`m sitting around, cleaning rooms or- if i get lucky-
i catch my sportshoes
and go jogging. we`re living under the floor. its a
catastrophe-rescue
building like there are millions in switzerland. 160
men and 7 showers. no daylight,
no feeling for the time. I`m a soldier, lowest
possible level in this
ladder. i have to do what mister
"i-give-the-ordesr-here" orders. its bad, but its
not to bad. i never cross the line, i`m to proud to
polish someones shoes in
this club here.

today, we went into the forest very early, we`ve been
trained against
chemical and bioligic weapons and learned how to help
other soldiers after
accidents. or shooting others down. now they are
shooting. i took these hours and
escaped a little bit, walked to the lovely village by
the lake nd found this
small restaurant with the violet dressed woman behind
the wooden bar. the sun
burns on my skin and`m a little bit masochistic under
the heat. i like it very
much, it remembers me always the holidays and it feels
being free.

i printed out your e-mail and took it here with me,
read it again. "feel
like sitting on a lotus flower..."beautiful! you know
the story about siddharta
in the lotus flower?
its not that you habe been left behind. you took the
other road. with all
the things you met, all the poeple you took in your
heart, all the colourful
experiences away from canada you lost some little keys
for the stories at home.

its not good, its not bad.

time`s so important. maybe you feel better now, a
little bit different
already. some new stories opened their orrst to you.
canada is embedding you
slowly, it becomes softer and everything looks nice
and more natural and really ok
from day to day.

my birthday is on the 25 of august.  i was born in
wattwil, switzerland.
5.50 pm, 1974. its a little village in the mountains.
poeple know whatis right
or wrong and conservative is right. but its not like
in the states, its to
live with. a lot of farmers in the green hills and
mountains around and farmers
childs in the school. not big industries, not big
tourism. nothing big, its a
litle bit a poor region (poor in switzerland?)
growing up is great there. i think its better then in
the cities. you see
cows and natural fields and lot of adventure forests
and ruins of a fortress
and you hear the birds in the morning. and after
midnight, you hear the bells
of the cows far away. i felt the changing of the
seasons and drank fresh water
from the little river.

if i`m gonna have children, i
want to live outside a
city. its important to experience nature, to
experience where we`re coming
from, to experience respect. it must not be
switzerland. i will let it flow.

...what are you doing now? you will stay in
vancouver? which is your
address there?
i feel so good recieve words from you and its very
valuable to feel you in
my heart.

I`m allowed to kiss you?

Gods, Wonders and the Unshaped Thoughts

2003-03-16T00:37:00.000-08:00

magic. thank you so much for the postcard. wonderful
to read your words. its
much more personally than these electronic letters.
unbelieveable. right
that day i wrote you a letter, during my trainride to
a friend. back home, your
postcard was laughing in my mailbox.

...dear leslie
i`m sorry. i wanted to write you much earlier. write a
letter, colourful and
a world of its own. where you can dive in and swim in
sparkling words,
holding your breath on bubbling sentences and fly away
through the bright meanings
between the lines.
not my thoughts, time was problem. still, weeks are
passing by like these
cloudy skies in speed-motion-movie-clips. i`m dreaming
about the big steps
aside, where the air is quiet and fresh and healthy.
where i find time for
nothing, everything and myself. mexico`s coming near.
i can save a lot of money,
every week here means more than two in central
america. and i`m dreaming being
unity. it`s a wonderful thing to think about you. it
fullfills my heart and
sometimes my dreams.
its a long time ago, since we met us on the small dock
in san pedro beach.
you, the beautiful woman in a red ( ?) bikini. with a
handful of very nice
poeple around you. i did follow you some steps to the
canadian breakfast and
colibti-wathing.
lot of poeple i met, i lost their names. which is the
quality in a moment to
find yourself connencted with somoene else for life?
winter closes soon the huge door behind. first flowers
watching over grey
grassfields. the sun begins to tell stories about
summer. the hard man is
wearing a short jeans jacket and a tight shirt. the
voluptuous, soft woman as
well. life starts to feel spring.

last week, i met ana from denmark. i saw her a year
ago in mazunte. we spent
an enormous funny and unforgettable week together. ana
denmark, ana
switzerland and naja denmark, anders from sweden, ryan
from u.s. and me.  i could
tell bibles.
ana came for a couple of weeks for work here, in the
eastern part of
switzerland as a short dressed bar girl. she did it
because of the money, just to
fly away after it. i think, she`s in utila now. or
havanna. it was great to see
her again. kind of special too. because a part of a
complete different past
visits me in the real present.
we talked for hours and remembered details and told us
stories, little
secrets and talked about the same again. i felt like
having a great gift.
everything happened is not history, is not unreachable
thought. its reality that
waits to be catched, maybe somewhere else. yes, at
least its a decision about how
you want to spend your life. (thank god we can decide)
god? i`m very unsure about this. i want to talk about
it with you. about
spirit, mystery, laws of nature. i do not believe in
god. nevertheless, i do
believe. i believe in a kind of power, an energy that
changes face and roots
and...
thinking..
even in german its very difficult to shape in words.

like last time i wrote you, i`m in train. again, like
last time i visit
andy, my best friend. he`s going quite well, his heart
doesn`t hurt anymore. i
told you, his girlfriend left him.
last week, he spent a "wonderful" night with a girl
from the same
university. "she has a bigbig smile and incredible
true eyes", he told me. they arn`t a
couple together. but they have big plans yet.
they want to go to rome together for some days. rome`s
so fantastic and
unforgettable. rome`s perfect to start a romance.
maybe thats because its called
romance?
i`m happy for him.
how do you feel? clearer about going home? if i close
my eyes i cannot
imaging where and how do you work as a teacher. buenos
dias senhorita whittaker,
como estas? quieres tomer un tè conmigo? is that
right?
its great how do you let yourself drive further and
seems you always decide
right, listening to your heart and your beatiful mind.
if i would accompany
you a bit, i would find a part of myself which i
cannot find here. it would be
right spac to close eyes.
breath.

kiss unity
manuel

Returning Home

2003-03-06T14:55:00.000-08:00

 Manuel

I have crossed the Ecuator, and the stars are back
to the sky I knew as a child.  I am back on Canadian soil. 

I had believed when I was away that
this was my home.  It is purely where I grew up, I
have family and friends,
people I love, here.  But this is no longer my
place.   For many years now
I have been bouncing round and round the earth.  And I
love this planet so
much, with all my heart and soul.  I am not ready to
say 'No' to knowing  more. 

It feels so natural to slide back into my role -
but, it is a role I do  not wish to repise.
It is a role which no longer exists.
Because it is only
this moment which I know is real.  And in this
moment...  The cool spring
air nips at my heels as I open the door for the dog. 
The sun is peeking out
and finally I can see the blue of the Northshore
mountains, still partially
hidden in clouds.  Only small freckles of white snow
in spots. 
Juanes sings to me.
And I feel tears behind my eyes when I
feel Latin America in my  heart, body and soul.

Your emails capture moments which have slipped away.
Tomorrow I am allowing a friend to kidnap me and take
me to Whistler, a local  ski resort. 

The city, at times, feels to be an oppressing place. 
So much  concrete, and I feel when I am here, that my 14
months away, were just an elaborate dream. 

How can I be back here? 
I am comfortable here, it is
home, becuase there is a part of me in almost every
corner of Vancouver. 
But it is the comfortableness of it all which feels
strangely discomforting.
People keep telling me that it all takes time, but
it is this concept of  time which I do not relate too at all. 

What is time?

It slips by so unknowingly, and my life feels like memories of
colours, smells, sounds, and
feelings locked into my nervous system and triggered
to the surface during casual glances towards the left or right. 

The feeling of being here is so familiar, but when I
say this people look at me with laughing eyes.
Answering me with such quips such as, "but so
and so has had a baby","so and so broke up with
their boyfriend", "I have a starring role in a
television series", "I am living with my boyfriend",
"but they got married", "I have my dream job." 

And, yes, all these major life
events are happening to everyone around me, I feel
like I am sitting on a
lotus flower, being so deep in myself for so long
has broken my attatchment
and identification to my family, friends and
culture.  In a sense I have  been left behind -
or, my journey, is just a different road. 
And I feel no  sadness about this.
I see it as such a natural evolution, to be the
one...... who chooses not to go that path. 

And this is the direction of my life.

This is how the river flows, and I am just letting go.

It is always good to hear from you.  The photo you
have sent me, is  extremely interesting, and mesmerizing. 
Thank you.

From my heart to yours, a connection through time.
Unity

P.S. When is your birthday?

gods, wonders and the unshaped thoughts

2003-02-28T14:50:00.000-08:00

magic. thank you so much for the postcard. wonderful
to read your words. its
much more personally than these electronic letters.
unbelieveable. right
that day i wrote you a letter, during my trainride to
a friend. back home, your
postcard was laughing in my mailbox.

...dear unity
i`m sorry. i wanted to write you much earlier. write a
letter, colourful and
a world of its own. where you can dive in and swim in
sparkling words,
holding your breath on bubbling sentences and fly away
through the bright meanings
between the lines.

not my thoughts, time was problem. still, weeks are
passing by like these
cloudy skies in speed-motion-movie-clips. i`m dreaming
about the big steps
aside, where the air is quiet and fresh and healthy.
where i find time for
nothing, everything and myself. mexico`s coming near.

i can save a lot of money,
every week here means more than two in central
america. and i`m dreaming being
unity. it`s a wonderful thing to think about you. it
fullfills my heart and
sometimes my dreams.
its a long time ago, since we met us on the small dock
in san pedro beach.
you, the beautiful woman in a red ( ?) bikini. with a
handful of very nice
poeple around you. i did follow you some steps to the
canadian breakfast and
colibti-wathing.
lot of poeple i met, i lost their names. which is the
quality in a moment to
find yourself connencted with somoene else for life?
winter closes soon the huge door behind. first flowers
watching over grey
grassfields. the sun begins to tell stories about
summer. the hard man is
wearing a short jeans jacket and a tight shirt. the
voluptuous, soft woman as
well. life starts to feel spring.

last week, i met ana from denmark. i saw her a year
ago in mazunte. we spent
an enormous funny and unforgettable week together. ana
denmark, ana
switzerland and naja denmark, anders from sweden, ryan
from u.s. and me.  i could
tell bibles.
ana came for a couple of weeks for work here, in the
eastern part of
switzerland as a short dressed bar girl. she did it
because of the money, just to
fly away after it. i think, she`s in utila now. or
havanna. it was great to see
her again. kind of special too. because a part of a
complete different past
visits me in the real present.
we talked for hours and remembered details and told us
stories, little
secrets and talked about the same again. i felt like
having a great gift.

everything happened is not history, is not unreachable
thought. its reality that
waits to be catched, maybe somewhere else. yes, at
least its a decision about how
you want to spend your life. (thank god we can decide)
god? i`m very unsure about this. i want to talk about
it with you. about
spirit, mystery, laws of nature. i do not believe in
god. nevertheless, i do
believe. i believe in a kind of power, an energy that
changes face and roots
and...
thinking..
even in german its very difficult to shape in words.

like last time i wrote you, i`m in train. again, like
last time i visit
andy, my best friend. he`s going quite well, his heart
doesn`t hurt anymore. i
told you, his girlfriend left him.
last week, he spent a "wonderful" night with a girl
from the same
university. "she has a bigbig smile and incredible
true eyes", he told me. they arn`t a
couple together. but they have big plans yet.
they want to go to rome together for some days. rome`s
so fantastic and
unforgettable. rome`s perfect to start a romance.
maybe thats because its called
romance?
i`m happy for him.

how do you feel? clearer about going home? if i close
my eyes i cannot
imaging where and how do you work as a teacher. buenos
dias senhorita whittaker,
como estas? quieres tomer un tè conmigo? is that
right?
its great how do you let yourself drive further and
seems you always decide
right, listening to your heart and your beatiful mind.
if i would accompany
you a bit, i would find a part of myself which i
cannot find here. it would be
right spac to close eyes.
breath.

kiss unity
manuel

Mountains with Pullovers

2003-01-11T00:34:00.000-08:00

dear. leslie
its january, a new year. it rains like before in
switzerland. only the
mountains are white like powder, sugar. they dressed
themselfes in elegant, thick
white warm pullovers. they look like sleeping. the
rest of the land is below
the clouds, below the fogs and is awake. grey and
depressing.
christmas, new years eve..for me, it doesn`t count
anymore the special way
it did when i was young. younger. i kiss you.
so these days are passing by like others. still
waiting for better times.
i`ve been working lika crazy last months. it was very
interesting and it was
quite hard. i had lot of responsability and the lead
over several big projects.
the poeple trust me. they lay a lot of money and
decisions in my arms. i`m
fulfilling their expectations. like a machine
sometimes. like a fever. i
cannot stop.

364 days ago, i arrived in mexico city. i took the
plane and flew away. oh
my god, i had such a wonderful time. i`m thirsty, i
want to walk this
footsteps again. it was like best time of my life.
thats because i`m more and more
this tirded about the huge western civilization
system. life just to earn and
safe money and dream strange dreams. all the allday
stuff a city shows you;
you`re revolving faster and faster and even thighter
around this black spot of
nonsense.
for the necessity to present a elegant car, or to buy
your food in
gourmet-shops. hold on a moment an look around! i`m
planning to go again. to open my
heart, my mind for moments. to hit my wings fast like
the little kolibri at
lago d`atitlan, for a little bit of this sweet nectar.
energy.
its 5pm and dark like night time. i`m sitting in the
train from zurich to
bern. its quiet in here, poeple come from work, some
are reading, some sleep. a
child asks his mother corious things. a lot of lights
are running over two
dimensional landscapes. bright white points, lights
from the street. some
green-cold lights from industry buildings. rhythmic,
informative lamps from small
railway stations nobody knows. warm and yellow lights,
far away. maybe from
romantic little houses around picturebook families
with lovely big dogs and
the smell of a chocolate cake in the kitchen.
no everlasting starlight. no moonlight. fat black
clouds hanging in the
tree-covered hills. everyday, since two months the
same sky. i feel a little bit
ill, my hals is swollen and red. a permanent headache
like a small needle in
my head accompains me. its ok. everybody felt this way
some days in the last
days. now its my turn. i`m going to visit andreas, my
best friend. he lives
near the capitol city in a small french-spoken town
called fribourg. we wanted
to go out for eat, drink, talk, walk. dance? he needs
a "change" in his
thoughts. his girlfriend left him weeks ago. he is sad
about that. i`m going to
visit him as much as i can. i hope, it can change
points of view and points of
pain.

do i see you again? i very often think about you. a
treasure in my heart, i
feel understood when i think about you. spicy and
golden. you are still in
ecuador? still same address? if i would write you a
letter, will it reach you
before you leave? or have you gone already? whats your
next goal? are you
still doing meditation with the Ishayas? so many
questions i`m able to ask
you..we should spend some time together. walk some
misterious ways, taste some new
friuts. peace. i hope you understand me right. its
only such a good thing to
think about you.
i`m leaving europe next october earliest. and again
mexico. its not finished
yet. i want to travel through the south of mexico. the
gulf and yucatan
again. and another days in san pedro, then further
south. honduras and nicaragua,
maybe costa rica. it depends. i`m looking for work
then. could be in oaxaca,
which i like very very much. have you been there? or
on caye caulker,
belize! whow. my personal little paradise. i don`t
know if its easy to find work or
not. i don`t feel better then others, i can do any
job.

i`ll give up my apartment here in zurich, my atelier.
more or less one way
fligth to central america, for the feeling of driving
in river life. i`m not
afraid like most of poeple around me are. you
understand me well..
love manuel

Upward Thoughts are Unbounding

2002-08-30T00:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Manuel

Wow, what a an amazing surprise to hear from you after such a long period. It seems like so much time has passed since lazy days on the dock. You have crossed the Atlantic so many times, awakening to your own spirit and God within your heart, and becoming conscious to the superficiality of this world which is entirely based on false perspectives.

I think last I emailed you, I was working at an "oh-so-important" job where I polished cheeks with some of Costa RicaLs elite and some of Costa RicaLs poor of the poor. It was strange because there was such an artificiality to it all, I worked for the biggest english newspaper in CR, which is such a small country, and so much sweet talk because everyone wants to be in the paper. I hated it!

But I would be "stupid" to give up such a "good" opportunity which would pave a future path for me in some sort of important "career". Are these my judgements or others - I donLt know. I was very lost and very confused.

But my heart was heard over the limiting judgements, and beliefs of my ego. I have taken a leap of faith (which is the reason I have not replied sooner) to take my power back and welcome myself back into the living world of what is real.

I have moved to Peru to participate in a higher consciousness training course. It is very intense. But I have grown in a hundred thousand directions - which all lead inwards. I am now participating in a teacher training which will take a few more months. Then, the desire is, I will be able to teach Ascension Meditation.

I have placed my clear intentions out to the Universe for a number of things recently. I want to be a teacher of meditation, I want to travel and continue living in other countries, and I want to continue growing consciously.

I began this meditation in San Marcos, immediately after I last saw you. An interesting choice I made then - so I stay in San Pedro to hang out with you, or do I grow. I chose to raise my vibration, to become clearer, and to get to know myself true infinte self.

But, you still cross my mind, especially when I get an interesting email from you.

It sounds like your life has changed recently. Your priorities are not what they use to be. It can be very difficult to integrate a new, higher, spiritual you in with a lifestyle of what you use to be. Remember to always spend time with people who are also consciously aware, this will help you maintain your path.

As for self-created-day-dreams, I am full of these sometimes - they can be so lovely and sweet. But, now, I am putting my pure and clear intentions to the Universe to make things happen for me. I would love to keep in touch with you. And, if ever, you buy another plane ticket, it would be good to see you again and to get to know you better. I feel a connection to you, even though, I really do not know you at all. The world is mysterious and multi-layered.

I am no longer plugged in because of my intense focus to foster my own growth. But I am writing post-cards and letters. If you are interested in correspondance, give me your home address. But I am travelling to Bolivia for 5-7 days, so I will be plugged in to email for this much longer. It would be great to hear back from you rapido, so get some exchange of words now.

Thank you very much for the photo. You are looking quite....well, what dreams are made of. Plus seeing a photo of summer is very nostalgic for me, as it is winter in Peru right now, and although it is warming up, there are no lakes to swim in, and the course is not condusive to beer, so a bit of drool dripping down my chin.

Anyways, I must go, it is late in Puno, and I am full after an amazing pizza made in a brick over.

Much love and luck and light to you,

Tonight you will be in my dreams.

Unity

Ascending to Different Places

2002-08-27T00:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Manuel

This is such a surprise to hear from you! i am not checking my email these days because what I am now doing is not condusive to plugging into the outside world. i am going deeper and deeper into myself every day. This will be short.

It sounds like your trip to Latin America really changed your perspective on what reality really is. It is not this outside fasuad world as our ego tries to trick us into believing but what is inside us - the infinite source. You sound like you are becoming more connected with the source every day.

After i lost contact with you, I went to Costa Rica and lived in San Jose for a couple of months. i worked as a photojournalist at an English paper there. It was an incredible opporutunity, but I was not at all satisfied with it. When I was in San Marcos I took an intensive weekend of Ascension meditation. Because of this experience I decided to leave the external world. I am now in the sacred valley in Peru. i am intensively studying this meditation, so that I can be qualified to teach it! This is amazing. I feel more conscious than ever, very intuned to the subtle details and energies of life!

In a couple of days I am going to Bolivia, so I can email more then. I hope to hear from you before then!

It is fantastic to know that you are well! Thank you for the photo!

Love and light to you,

Unity

2002-08-17T00:33:00.000-07:00

Unity.

Weeks, month and soon years are running forward, away from moments to become
remembers. All we can do is live them clear-minded and keep them in our
hearts. It maybe feels sad sometimes, past luck turns to present tears, but its
always better to feel sad then to feel nothing. I like the melancholic
secrets, the pictures in my head, the spontanic laughing or the
daydream-like-self-made-stories about people I met somewhere. These are points more in the large
list, wich lets me wish to travel more and more. My emotional home turned
from the place I grew up to the place in my heart where is written “be freeE
To feel well excepts not more only a geografical place with people near like
family. I feel stronger than before, because I know to become, to be happy
with only myself. Of course, people are very important. But I feel you’re near
me right now, without holding your hand..

Easy to drift awayEI’m back in switzerland. Back again. I had such a
troubleful time, went home from mexiko in april. Went back to mexiko until july.
But now, these intense days are gone far away and they return sometimes as
bittersweet morningdreams on my tongue. I’m working hard, I’m out of money, so
I have to work. I do some freelance projects for one of best zurichs
event/exhibition/corporate design firms. At the moment, its about the new design of
worldwide ticket-offices from the brandnew switzerland airline called
“swissE I’m important sometimes and that feels nice. But its more funny thean nice.
You know, I’m not an oh-I’m-so-important guy. I cannot be serious in such
situations.

Before that they shot a cinema movie in the mountains, in the alps. The
story’s about the football worldchampionship from 1954 in switzerland. That year,
germany won and because of that, most of the actors from this movie came
from germany. It was very very interesting, I had to build sets and organize
1950 furnitures and little things around. Looking for typical details, build a
whole hotel back in time and plant these boring red flowers in the little
cases in front of the windows. Unfortunately all the time it was bad weather,
heavygrey clouds only and not one day a view over the mountains. The germans
were very disapointed.

And this morning, I found your e-mail adress. Today’s a good day. I kiss
you. The sun is shining, the poeple are friendly smiling and the cardriver let
me walk over the street.
I like days like this. So I decided not to work this afternoon. To be less
important. I’ll not turn my life back and become one of these workaholics I
was before.
The time in mexiko changed some of my views. My view about “importantEbr>things and my feelings for people who wear, drive, posess or talk about these
things. Its not what does count for me. I want to feel healthy, want to enjoy
time with people I love, want to relax, want to take space between me and the
surfacal things. I want to stay in the mood I am.
Oh leslie. What about you? Where are you right now? I hope you are going
superwell, I think about you and wish you luck.
Love manuel

ps: a picture from this summer's first party with friends at the lake of
zurich

Challenging Moments in Life

2002-06-09T00:32:00.000-07:00

Hola Manuel

I am sorry to hear that something bad has happened to you and cut your trip short by a couple of months. I could make many guesses on what happened, but I will not jump to any conclusions. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. I hope that everything will be healed soon for you. It is troubling and emotionally challenging when natural things happen unexpectedly.

I am working in San Jose, Costa Rica as a photojournalist. However, I am more interested in moving to Peru for a few months so study a special meditation technique which I learned in San Marcos after I left you in San Pedro. I am going to be doing higher consciousness training. It is not final yet, but I am almost sure that this will happen. I am following my heart.

Please send me an email telling me how you are and how you are dealing with your return home and the bad thing.

If you need someone to communicate with...I am here.

Much luck and love to you,

Unity

2002-05-27T00:23:00.000-07:00

Manuel,

I look forward to reading your next message. Enjoy Mexico!

Good Luck with your journey,

Unity

My Thoughts are with You

2002-05-26T00:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Manuel

I just wrote you a long email which got magically erased right at the peak my words.

First of all I hope that you are doing well these days, I understand that you must be going through a very rough time at home with struggles and the what not. I know that your strength, wisdom and love will help guide and support you.

I am currently working as a photojournalist for an english newspaper in Costa Rica. it is a very good job which I am enjoying. The only problem is that it is not taking me in the direction which I wish to go.

In my long email I explained some of my past to you, and how I ended up where I was when I met you. Basically to sum it up. I have travelled a lot and through out these travels I have met amazing individuals with unbelievable gifts which seem surreal even to me. These are stories which I do not generally share with peopel because they are so unbelievable, some mimicing the bible, that people who do not think in these terms, like to lable me crazy or what not. And for a period of time, I deliberately blocked out these expereinces because I wanted to fit myself into my culture of 9-5 work and societal expectations. I also went through a rough time at this same time, where I fell from being a blissful bunny to a questioner and disbliever. I tried to make sense out of everything.

The one thing I learned and I still have to accept, is that not everything makes sense.

Here I am emailing you becuase you were present at the catapolted moment during my trip. But you just do not know it.

After I left San Pedro, I headed to San Marcos with Nick. We went together because we were both going in that direction. I was going because I wanted to reconnect with God/higher self/golden light/ or whatever your name is for it. I told others it was to study Spanish, because I was still self doubting. Nick got really sick and he needed support. So I did my best, but it was difficult because he was a total disbeliever in meditation, reiki, yoga - all of it.

I also wanted to get to know you better. I wanted to return to San Pedro in order to just talk with you. My intentions were simple because at the time I really did not like men in a sexaul manner either. We talked about being shy, but I just was not wanting to put my energy towards anything more than a friendship with anyone. I wish that we had talked more, that would have been really nice.

I felt really drawn to you. And I was on my way back to San Pedro when something happened in San Marcos. I got some healing done through Reiki and Nick left. I felt energy again and I felt fantastic but not complete.

There was a meditation happening that weekend, and I made the decision to participate in it. This is why I never came back to San Pedro. Alot of things happened that weekend, which once again I cannot put into words because it is too incredible to believe.

I left San Pedro and we started emailing each other. I was really torn at this point. I had this job as a photojournalist in Costa Rica, but this meditation technique I learned was having training sessions in Peru starting in June. I really wanted to go to Peru. But I came to CR instead.

I took the job, but it never felt right to me. I had so much noise in my head pushing me to Peru. Finally a few days ago I committed myself to going to Peru to reach higher consciouness.

In 2 weeks I will be going to Peru to study Asension Meditation. It is a fantastic form of meditation which is easy to learn with amazing results. Every month from June to September, a new session begins on the 10th. It takes place in the sacred valley of Peru near Cusco.

I will be there for 4 months.

I have no idea why I am telling you all this. But I am. Perhaps, because I associate you with this meditation because of the timing.

If you need healing on yourself, keep this in mind.

Good Luck with your journey.

Until our next meeting,

Love,

Unity

blue and silver

2002-04-02T15:16:00.000-08:00

unity and surprise.

lass dich umarmen. how do you know all this german words? how are you able
to combinate them in such touching sentences? i am very surprised. i like to
be surprised. thank you.

i am still in mazunte. its nearly three weeks now. i'm not sure, lots of
days sink down in the sea of forgettability (does this word exist?) all the
friendships i made here left the last days for new experiences.. the pazific
sings sad songs sometimes and time has come to leave too. i'll take the bus
tomorrow to oaxaca.

in fact, its not so sad to leave this place, to leave the big
orange-sandcolored moon, the grate waves and the unforgettable nights at beach
under endless skies, full of bright stars.

during jembe sessions the local girls are
playing with burning fireballs in front of the moonlight ocean.
 oh my god, its like in a movie again.
so tells me every place to stay foreever and every new
place invites me again with his own special aura. and better feeling a little
sad than nothing, right?

yes it's true. maybe both of us had to be a little braver. but in the after
its always easier to say, to see. i'm too shy too. but i'm happy to keep in
contact with you. i'm looking for an english-german translate book, to
explain, express? more in the details, what i want to say.

my days as an trabajero are counted. carlos, the chief wanted me to do kind
of policeman work. i should spy out another bar and notice, if they give beer
away black. without..i don't kno this word in english. the person who gets
the beer does not pay for it.

i asked him if i look like one who is telling poeple stories behind the back
of others. you know judas-style. so, he fired me. but i had the whole
evening beer for free from this bar. its not what i wanted, i just wanted to be
myself and then it looked like i'm on the side of these italians, who work in
that bar. funny.

since that evening its not more the same vibration in the air. its a singn
more wich tells me to go.
i'll write you more from oaxaca. i heard, oaxaca should be like antigua.
are you there?

kisses manuel

bloodredsuns and bright moons

2002-03-29T15:08:00.000-08:00

whow and thanks Unity.

your words are touching me in a fine way. wish i
could be with you, spend a mystic night in tikal.
i like fullmoonlight. and i like tikal. and i like you.
that had to be unforgettable.

so, i'm spending mystic nights in mazunte. yes, i'm still here, since two
weeks. there's a nice youth hostel where i found work as a boy for everything.
well, not for everything. i can sleep and eat for free, save money and spend
another three month in this country.

yes, it seems that already three weeks has gone by since i left paradise san
pedro. i always remember this incredible breakfast at luna azul, the party
with the pizza and the time we should have spend together more. and, of
course, pan de banana!

maybe we can do that again, sometimes! i mean the time, we didn't spend..
i'll stay here for another week, the beaches and this landscape are
wonderfull. not as an post-card-picture like the carribean coast, but in its own
way full of beauty.

black rocks are sleeping in the silverblue pazific ocean, wild
and loud it smashes powerfull waves at the goldenbrown beach, white and
turquise they run around my feet. the sunset is always to get in an melancholic
mood, dolphins and orcas are passing by this place.

i understand well, how people arrive here and never go back anywhere. this
place keeps also a good portion of crazyness in the evening breeze.
you would like it. for sure.

what about your plans? are you going up north? tulum and playa del carman?
or belize? tell me about your meditation-experiences.

take care of you, my thoughts are with you. manuel

Hola Amigo

2002-03-25T15:05:00.000-08:00

Hola Amigo

Como Estas? Estoy in Flores. I arrived here yesterday after 2 hideous days of travel from Roatan Island in Honduras.

Roatan was absolutely pristine and beautiful. It was a postcard with white sand beach, blue to blue ocean with coconut trees everywhere. It was expensive, but it was okay to be on a strict budget for awhile. I lived like a princess in San Pedro.

I am here in Flores because tonight is the full moon and I want to spend it at Tikal. So I will be catching a 2 pm shuttle to Tikal and I will camp there! I am hoping it will be safe and fun!

I just wanted to say to you, Manuel, that you are an incredible person. I have met a lot of people in my life, and especially on this trip in the past 2 months. I like most people, but it is not often that I meet a man whom I really respect and hold in high regard. You are a very gentle person, whose eyes are always twinkling. You appear to be comfortable with yourself, therefore you are not out to impress others, but instead you just hang out being yourself. It really was fantastic meeting a man such as yourself, because in a small way you have changed my persective of your half of the species.

I am just filling this email with compliments. Oh well, if I don't say them now...then when will I say them. And you definately deserve to know that you are a interesting person!

I hope that you are enjoying your 3 months and 3 weeks in Mexico!

Lots of luck and love your way!

Unity